Gay and In the Military

It must be really difficult for the men and women who are in the military who fight this crazy war on terrorism. I can't imagine what it is like to be fighting for your country that is suppose to represent freedom, yet misrepresents everything that freedom stands for like freedom to speak your mind, freedom of the press, and the pursuit of happiness. I have many friends who are in the military, most of them have been to Iraq, who tell me about what it is like to be gay and in the military. Contrary to what I thought, or at least the people I know, they say that being gay is difficult, but not impossible. My male friends, some of whom are the queen of queens say that, the military expects for you not to boast or brag about your sexuality. My friends still speak with a twang and walk with a twitch, but when it comes time to do what you have to do, these gurls get into military drag, grab their guns, aim and shoot just like the others. I asked one of my buddies how does the "don't ask, don't tell" policy effect him personally, to which he replied that because he is trying to move up in the rank, and because the culture of the army is so testosterone driven, that he keeps to himself. He made it specific to note that this does not mean that he does not have his "fun". Based on our conversations, I gathered that on his base there are countless Black Gay and Lesbian persons. As we usually do, we have this unspoken way of speaking to one another to identify that we are all part of the same struggle. There are those of us in the military who choose not to even secretly come out to one another, but still rely on Adam for Adam for our hook-ups. Thank God for the internet. God bless the Black Gay and Lesbian people who are dying for me and you.

Fear

Why is it that I allow myself to be trapped by so much fear. Fear of failing, fear of succeding, fear of what others might say, fear of what I might think. The reason I post this is because, I feel stuck. Why, because I refuse to do what my heart tells me to do. Take for example taking the GRE, I have wanted to take this dam test for so long, at least 6 years, time has gone by month after month after month with my not taking it. I even went as far as buying a study guide, studying for the dam test yet, fear held me back. My next strategy was to just schedule myself for the dam test, pay the money and force myself to take it, what happend? Nothing. Thats rite. I just did not show up for the test why? I was afraid of not getting a high score. As a result of not taking the dam test, I delayed getting into grad school one more year just because of fear. As I look back and think of my test taking skills, I can proudly say that I did pretty well on tests in school and undergrad. The last time I had this type of fear for a test had to do with taking the SAT, I just did not sleep for a week prior to the SAT fearing that I was not good enough and that the test would somehow prove it. I wanted to get into a private school so bad and needed that test score to validate to them little old white recruiters that this little black gay Haitian boy was good enough for their institution. As a result of my fearing I did not do as good on the SATs as I needed to and did not get into the school of my first choice. I litterally created my own demise and use fear as the coffin that burried my hopes and dreams. That was 10 years ago, today here I am repeating that cycle all over again.

Question Homophobia

Why do the oppressive majority only recognize February as Black History Month? Worse yet, Why is it that we (people of African descent) only permit them to recognize that month as the only month where our contributions are to be highlighted? Don't we then in turn do ourselves a dis-service by perpetuating the racist notions of the oppressors when we don't claim and celebrate the contributions of African descendants each month? Similarly, we create and/or perpetuate injustices when we do not fully celebrate or embrace the contributions which of all African Americans have added to the American mosaic. Has BET ever aired one of its Black History commercials honoring Langston Hughes, Bessie Smith, Ma Rainey, "Moms" Mabley, Mabel Hampton, Alberta Hunter, Gladys Bentley, Contee Cullen, or James Balwin? The answer is "no" Why? Could it be that the folks at BET have never heard of these individuals? Or is it that these folks were not African American enough for our friends at BET. While I don't have the answer to BET's rationale, I do know that all these persons were as Black as I am and endured much more oppression, racism, bigotry, sexism, and classism then most of us will ever endure in our lifetime. Somehow we African Americans have learned to do the very thing to one another as the oppressors have done to us. I am reminded of a text, I read in one of Keith Boykins books (One more river to Cross) paraphrasing. "One of the consequences of oppression is that it teaches us to dislike ourselves and dislike those who are like us". These words ring true to me as I make every attempt to understand how we (the oppressed) have become oppressors ourselves and how we have turned around to do the same thing to one another. We do this so well that it does not even seem problematic or noticeable. As white people have virtually denied our history, we too have turned around and further denied or deleted our history by not paying homage to the legacies of the African American brothers and sisters who are Gay or Lesbian. When BET elects not to mention these individuals, justice is not served. When you or I do not demand that the contributions of these individuals be included in celebrating African American history we ourselves create an injustice to our history. The history of GLBT brothers and sisters is part of the history of African Americans, because in fact these individuals are of the same skin color and experience the same if not more injustices aimed at them just for being homo or bisexual. This month as Black History Month is being celebrated, let me challenge you to demand that this history include the existence of Black GLBT persons. Challenge homophobia, demand inclusively! As them them: what would Black History be without Sojourner Truth, Harriett Tubman, Georgia Washington Carver, or Bayard Rustin.

The Contendor

Today Sen. John Edwards has announced that he will be seeking the Democratic nomination for United States President for the 2008 election. His official announcement was made in New Orleans 9th ward which was devastated by hurricane Katrina. I have several questions for the Senator, I know that he may not read this blog, but many of his supporters and probably some people on his staff visit us. Therefore we would like to know these answers:

• During the last presidential election the Senator, debating Vice President Dick Chenney, could not articulate an answer posed by Gwen Ifel, who asked about the impact of HIV in the African American community in America. What is the Senators position on combating HIV in the African American community? How would the Senator work with the CDC to encourage the better prevention strategies other than the current D.E.B.I. theory?

• What is the Senators positiong on Presidential pardons, should we continue to allow this or should we allow the courts to establish social justice?
• What is the Senators position relating to the legalization of marijuana?
• Many Americans are burden with debt. In many instances these Americans struggle with finding adequate housing, purchase homes, getting jobs all because of their credit scores are not at "adequate levels" to permit these things to happen, if President, would the Senator consider legislation that prevents credit reporting companies from reporting negative entries into individual reports for no more than 3 years?
• What is the Senators position on Gay adaption?
• Would the Senator consider running as Baraka Obamas running mate?

THE NAPOLEAN COMPLEX

Imagine my surprise, when a reader posted a personal nasty attack against me. Well, I don't normally indulge silliness, but on this one occasion I will, for his sake. I encourage all to do their homework prior to posting any comments about anyone or anything on this blog. The reader personalized and defended what is being alleged almost as if, he or she, has had first hand knowledge and is denying the allegations with fury and passion. One has to wonder why even take the time to deny these things if the facts speak for themselves. (Girl, I would have paid it and moved on. Especially since it made no mention of you or your organization) But if somehow the post hit a nerve, then I would respond with the pain of an attack. Personal responsibility is important to me. Imagine my surprise when the individual suggested that I check my facts first, was he referring to the mold, mildew, dust to not be a fact? Or was he referring to the fact that is no public oversight of the organization? Or is he referring the lease automobile? I wish that he were more clear. In either case, let me make it clear to him as you all are already aware, facts are truths that have are verifiable. In this case prior to the posting, a committee of persons met and discussed pictures, newspaper articles, personal testimonials concerning the unnamed place. While I do not speak for any of the persons in this group, it was the consensus that all organization utilizing public dollars should have greater oversight, and public accountability measures. Rather then the reader supporting the movement to require more accountability, he seems to want to shy away from it and attack me. WHY? COULD THIS BE A NAPOLEAN COMPLEX? What is he afraid of, if facts don't lie. Rather then the reader understanding that accountability is crucial to the survival of his use-to-be grassroots organization, he prefers to launch personal attacks against me that only support the “mad man” theory. Rather than recognizing that accountability will work to his advantage, he sees it working against his vision (I suppose). I thank the writer for his participation in our dialogue on accountability in the black gay community. I welcome a public forum where we can discuss my supporting documentation versus his documents. If mine prove to be wrong, then I will apologize publicly and if he can furnish documents that discount my earlier statements the he should apologize (not to me) but to the community who he is continues to misrepresent. This blog is not intended to be an attack on anyone, it is simply an editorial. As much as you wish it were, it is not your pulpit to spew baseless rebuttals. To show you that I, unlike you, have no personal grudges, here is a kiss from me to you. Peace be with you brother.

Where have you been?

This is not me, but i wish it was.

If one more person asks me "where have you been?" I will scream. I am so sorry, just started this new a gig and getting use to the hours and all that stuff. I'm in between meetings rite now and just wanted to share this cute little pic with you all. So here is the run down Honestly, I have taken on this new craft. (No, it has nothing to do wiht credit cards). Someone is teaching to crochet. Yes, it is gay, but it is something that I have wanted to do for such a long time. I use to watch the women do and was always fascinated with the way there hands moved in and out to weave such nice designs. Well, anyway it is taking me sometime to learn how to hold the needle, but i am getting there. My first project was to create a scarf, it is a hot mess. I mean every word with that, but since it is my first project I am so proud of it. I plan to rock it regardless of what it looks like, its mine and i made it. Can I urge all my fans to call their local congressional black caucus member to insist that there be oversight of non-profit organizations, especially the ones hare are receiveing money to conduct AIDS services. I am thinking of one particular organization in Atlanta that is a complete mess that keeps getting funded just because it is the only organization that "serves minority communities". To hell with them. Their Executive Director is making 6 figures and runs his organization like the Amistad. Any service provider in town will tell you that they are a problematic organization that is mishandling public dollars. One good current example is that the organization leases a luxury car for the purposes of getting an Executive staff member around town. Now, folks lets think about this, people are dying of AIDS day and night and here we have the charity organization leasing luxury european cars to get an Executive around. This is absolutely absurd. If these persons are commited to the cause as they would have us beleive, they could use their own vehicles just like the rest of us. We are calling for a congressional investigation for this organization. Interviews with current and past staff sound like the environement in there is torturous. One staff person has provide us with picturse of mold, mildew, and dust lurking all about the organization. So what does this have to do with this picture, the public is getting fucked by a mad man. I urge you to call the Center for Disease Control and Prevention to insist that this organization who is suppose to provide education and services to minorities be investigated. I will keep you posted. Let me get back to my crochet. I have made my calls have you. PS Ask to speak to Dr. Kevin Fenton or Julie Guerbedine.

Review of Click Awards

We have posted my personal comments on the Click awards for all to read, now here is another perspective from my judi. John is extremely accurate in his descrpition. Here is what John writes:

As you all know I attended the Clik Honors Elite 25 Awards Show on Saturday. I would have written my Revue sooner, however I thought it more prudent that I allowed a few days to release some of the ecstasy that I had stored up from the event in order to give a more accurate account of what really happened! My verdict? It was THE MOST inspiring event that I have attended in YEARS!!!Was it without fault? Of course not! But given its intent and execution, I was able to overlook the very few minor details that I'm sure will be corrected with time.Management of MEN OF ATL were front and center at the event, basking in the richness of the legacy it honored, and the one it inspired and created. Make no mistake the kids came in flocks with freshly pressed frocks and locks. Some made the mistake of wearing Fur coats in 70 degree weather, and others misunderstood a Boxing Robe and shorts for "Dress To Impress" attire. However, if anyone can deny that there were some BEAUTIFUL GUYS and GALS in the house, surely they were at another Affair.I was disappointed at the fact that many of Atlanta's Leaders were noticably absent. And yes I know that gay politics played alot into their abscence. However, I wonder just how important it was for them to miss out, because "they" were not being honored, nor asked to serve on any "official" capacity? It is just as bad as those that paid or brown-kissed their way to an award. This is NO reflection on those that were not able to make it for "legitimate" reasons.